<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>everyone I know goes away in the end by Cail_Jei</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26816476">everyone I know goes away in the end</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cail_Jei/pseuds/Cail_Jei'>Cail_Jei</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Grief/Mourning, Survivor Guilt, Whumptober</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:13:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>769</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26816476</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cail_Jei/pseuds/Cail_Jei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Infinity War, there are a lot of things someone could think about. Thor would rather avoid thinking about said things.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Loki &amp; Thor (Marvel)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1955857</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>everyone I know goes away in the end</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for the whumptober challenge!<br/>More are coming so be on the lookout for those.<br/>Obviously this is for No 19. Broken Hearts | Grief | Mourning Loved One | Survivor's Guilt.<br/>It is a bit early, but it is the first one I finished, and I felt like posting something.</p>
<p>Hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Snap</em>.</p>
<p>Thor spend the rest of the day in an odd state of haze. There were a lot of things that needed to be done amongst the disheartened, exhausted survivors. It was for the best. For if they stopped moving, for even a second, they would collapse, and there was no way to tell if they could rise again. But, no matter his need to keep moving, the night arrived all the same. Judging by the anxious glances given to him by his comrades, Thor was expected to rest as well. He knew they were just worried for him and certainly the way he was acting, distant and detached, was not at all reassuring. But he couldn’t bring himself to care.</p>
<p>He retreated to his room after a hearty meal (he mechanically ate whatever they put in front of him, without giving much thought, happy -no, not really but at least relatively calm- that he had something to do instead of letting his mind wonder). He sat on the bed instead of lying down, staring listlessly at the window, trying very hard not to think. The stars were barely visible through the window glass, dimmed and dulled, reminding him of the void. He couldn’t help but think of his brother. His eyes prickled. How much time had he spent stranded in there in Thanos’s <em>tender care</em>? And now... now he was in the void between stars again, alone and abandoned. Thor couldn’t believe it. Still couldn’t. Not even after he saw it with his own eyes. Not even after he held him, still and cold and unmoving. He had promised. He had promised the sun would shine on them again. Loki wouldn’t lie to him like that. He wouldn’t. <em>He never shied away from a lie</em>, his mind supplied. But not like that, not after everything we’ve been through, not so cruelly, just no. <em>Except, if it was his last attempt at comfort, a sweet lie that I would prefer from the truth, or perhaps not a lie at all, for the sun always shines the brightest in Valhalla</em>, his mind ruthlessly pressed on, extinguishing the small flicker of hope that had up to this point remained in his heart.</p>
<p>It was his fault. It had to be. Thor was certain about that. Loki had given away his life to save him. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. He was the older brother, he was supposed to protect his little brother unto death. And yet, not once but twice Loki had been the one to sacrifice himself for Thor. But, it was even worse than that. Thor had not only failed in every way possible to protect him, but he had failed to avenge his death as well. Thanos had managed to achieve his goal, leaving the universe to pieces. And it was all his fault. If only he had gone for the head. Then the world still be the same. Then the dead of the Statesman and Heimdall and Loki would have their peace. If he was everything he was supposed to be he would have done it somehow. No. If he was everything he was supposed to be, it would have never had come to that. For they would still be alive. And Thanos dead. What sort of king he was, if he couldn’t protect his own people, his own brother? He was only able to watch helplessly as they were slaughtered. And though all the losses weighed heavily on him, his thoughts, once again, turned to his brother. He had already mourned him twice. It seemed as though he had never stopped mourning, from the day of his failed coronation, and now it seemed unlikely that he would ever stop. For he couldn’t forget. The way Loki struggled in Thanos’s grip. His wheezing breaths. The last words he uttered, defiant, even as his life was being squeezed out of him. Him ceasing his struggles, the dull thud of his limp body hitting the floor. His eyes, empty and bloodshot, staring at nothing. His own last words “You really are the worst, brother.” Thor chocked on his guilt.</p>
<p>The prickling at his eyes had long ago given away to actual tears, spilling forth from his eyes, wetting his cheeks and his beard. Thor buried his face into his hands, allowing himself to weep, knowing that even though the morning would eventually come, the sun would not shine as bright as it had only a day before.</p>
<p>When, after hours of grieving, exhaustion won over pain and he sank into oblivion, he welcomed it with open arms.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>